June 29, 2008


Having spent the last four years of my life in Kolenchery , and sitting in front of my computer one lazy, fine Saturday morning, I feel like I would enjoy being transformed to a Hero! 

For the benefit of the uninitiated, I am listing out the Minimum Qualifications needed to be labeled a Hero (or a Wannabe Hero, depending on how you look at it) in Kolenchery:

Those who are not 6 feet or above and haven’t been featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated magazine (or atleast haven’t boasted of having been!) need not even try to become one.
But then again, those who are “thick” friends of the aforementioned are allowed a try.
Skin colour, body weight, or possession/absence of common sense and decency do not matter.

1. You should be “fearless.”

2. Harbour a strong dislike towards those who are smarter than you are.

3. When someone writes some random stuff in some random magazine, you should have the fortitude to go cry “Mummy, Mummy, he is making fun of me, my friends, and my girlfriend through his writing.”
[Yes, the (false and utterly pathetic) belief that the world revolves around oneself is a great help in becoming a hero.]

4. Should always stand for UNITY, and fight against “Group-ism” (like Raja Rammohan Roy or Subash Chandra Bose).
[For those of you who do not know what group-ism entails, here it is - Anyone having an opinion different from yours about any random thing and is not afraid to express it can be regarded as being a promoter of that evil of all evils, Group-ism.]

5. You should give deadly stares at those whom you believe to be from The Other Group, whenever you pass by their hostel rooms.
[Confidence in the ability of your stares to burn the victim to ashes is a favourable quality in a Hero.]

6. You are free to hang out with your friends, but if somebody else (obviously from The Other Group) goes out somewhere with his friends without “informing” you, you should accuse that person of group-ism; and if possible, warn the Neutral Common Friends about the “dangers” that may arise out of hanging out with those from The Other Group.

7. When The Other Group members happen to sit with you at the dining table, the ability to pass sarcastic, inane, ill-natured and dirty comments about them is desirable.

8. You should be shameless enough to be able to borrow money from the “Leader” of The Other Group and still talk trash about him.


Anonymous said...

good work dude....

Anonymous said...

datz gr8 yaar...