March 30, 2011

The Great Indian 'Peace Talks'

Indian Politics has become as predictable as a boring Madhur Bhandarkar movie.Its only the lead actors and the props that changes once in a while(in 5 years, to be exact).The story,screenplay,the net result and everything else is exactly the same all the time.During their spare time,(i.e. when they aren't busy reading 'The Warren Buffet way')  our Prime Ministers indulge in their favourite pastime-the 'India-Pakisthan bhai-bhai thing';invites someone from our neighbouring country(which sends men in fishing boats to do research on the Indian fishing industry every now and then)for a cup of coffee,discusses matters of critical importance like 'the changing patterns of North East Monsoon','the mating habits of the Polar Bears and it's influence on the Global warming' to name a few.

Meanwhile nikhimenon has got exclusive access to one of the new 'leaked' wiki leaks cable.This one is a 'conversation' between the Prime Ministers of two neighbouring countries.Apparently they were watching a cricket match between the nations ,they represent.

Singh: Bro, happy to see you after a long time...
Ghee-laa-Nee:(as if he has met his long lost brother)-,Bhai,Kaisa hai aap?
Singh: So,Wassup?
Ghee-laa-Nee: Thank you for the invite.Had been looking forward to this meeting.
Singh: Ever since the 26/11 thing, we had been asking you to...
Ghee-laa-Nee:(interrupts) Whom do you think will win today's match?
Singh: Ooh,MSD and his team for sure...but we have got pretty convincing evidence that the terror attacks against our country are being masterminded in your soil.
Ghee-laa-Nee(in an animated expression):Afridi is bowling well,right?
Singh:(sighs)So we would like to  interrogate Mr Hafiz Mohammad Saeed  in connection with the 26/11 attacks.
Ghee-laa-Nee(with eyes closed as if he is in a trance):That guy from kochi,cock-aa-coo man,what's his name, haan 'Sseeshaanth',is he not playing in today's match?
Singh: Let's discuss about Kashmir then,we have got evidence about Pak sponsored militant groups operating in Kashmir.
Ghee-laa-Nee: Yeah, Kashmir is a beautiful place! (sips coffee), Btw i heard things are not that well there.Some flag issue and violence?It's horrible that people resort to this kind of violence these days,right?
Singh: Mr Ghee-laa-Nee,the issue here is not that.I'm talking about Pak sponsored terror in the Indian soil.
Ghee-laa-Nee: ( mobile rings,picks up the phone)Hello,who is this?Who, hafiz Saeed ? (the tone changes,to a whisper)What?Mumbai?(with a horrified expression) No, not now.I am here in India,very much near Mumbai,lets postpone it to someother day.
Singh: I would like to hand over the 26/11 Dossier to you.
Ghee-laa-Nee:(pretending never ever he has heard the word ‘Dossier’)-..? Dosa, wow! I love Masala Dosa.Btw i would like to meet Mr Rajani Kanth, the robot....
Singh:(slowly losing his patience )-I said,you people should stop funding for militant groups like Let.
Ghee-laa-Nee:What are you talking about Mr Singh?I said,I have come here to promote Cricket?
Singh:(agitated)WTF, Cricket is already a rage here.It doesn’t need your promotion.Let’s talk about Kashmir,Terrorism et al.
Ghee-laa-Nee:R.S.S.,R.S.S.,R.S.S. (walks out in a fit of rage)

Two days later

A bomb explodes somewhere in the suburbs of Maharashtra,31 kms from Mumbai.Panic sets in.The Home Minister and the P.M. release their statements which read something like this..


-thought by


romesh said...

intersting post..quite funny...

Maya said...

funny.. very rightly put